Reality Bytes and Pieces

“Important Moments in Women’s History … Brought to You by Pornstars” - All I can say is, “God bless America, and Happy Women’s History Month!”

Hillary Clinton, Porn and Pancakes - Gotta love it when MSNothingButClintons screws up when pimping their favorite gal.

“Virginia is [still] for lovers,” but not those who French kiss kids - “State legislators passed a law Saturday that would require adults who French kiss a child younger than 13 to register as a sex offender. Those convicted of tongue-kissing a child would be guilty of a misdemeanor, punishable by up to one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. The House of Delegates passed the legislation 96-1 and the Senate 39-0…” The fact that the state legislature convened on a Saturday to pass this bill says there’s something seriously wrong in Virginia. Expect southern states like Alabama and Arkansas to follow suit.

Booted Straight American Idol Contestant Wants to Sing Praises of Homosexuals - “Kady Malloy is the recently eliminated American Idol semifinalist that wants to be a spokesperson for gay rights.  Malloy explained, ‘Well, my best friend is gay.  Freddie Mercury was gay, who’s my idol.  I just think that, you know, you shouldn’t define somebody by their sexuality, and I think that gay people not being able to get married and things like that is just like history repeating itself, and I think that we need to learn from our past…’” I’d like to see this ditz tag team with the Miss South Carolina who’s concerned about “U.S. Americans” who “don’t have maps.” The WWE could use a few more genius Divas to raise awareness for the harmful effects of beauty on brains.

Muslims believe in mircaulous power of sheep, not Jesus - In 2004, Muslims flocked to worship a sheep that was born with a marking resembling the Arabic word for “Allah.” Then, there’s this documentary showing that Muslims don’t believe Jesus is the Messiah and the crucifixion never happened. Call me crazy, but I think Muslims are just bitter that Jesus never promised whordes of virgins to those who self-detonate in public places.

April 18 is “Poop for Peace Day” - Mark your calendars. Eat plenty of prunes. Get creative. The fate of the world rests in your bowels.

Man eats pet food, gets paycheck - “I have trained my palate to look for materials that we will not allow in the recipe, such as tripe - pet owners react badly to the smell of tripe. I’m looking for a patè texture, almost to the point where you could spread it on crusty bread…” I like this idea as an employment opportunity for the homeless.

Living in Chicago, Ill. is getting less and less convenient and enjoyable for law-abiding citizens thanks to a single city official who thinks he knows what’s best for those he was elected to represent.

If you live in the Windy City or have spent any time there in recent years, you’ve probably noticed that it’s a smoke-free city now. Thank Alderman Ed Smith for cleaning the air and protecting your lungs, whether you like the smoking ban or not. Approve or disapprove, that’s not really the point. Ed Smith knows what’s best for you and you should be kissing his ass for saving your life, and if you’re a smoker, for not letting you kill others with your toxic cigarette smoke.

Speaking of toxic fumes, how about that ban on spray paint cans in Chicago? Your barbecue or fence might be rusty, but Smith has bigger concerns, like preventing hoodlums from spraying graffiti on buildings and overpasses. Kudos to Ed Smith for helping ban spray paint and forcing you to travel outside of the city to a Home Depot that trusts you’ll use it properly.

Enjoy indulging in a little delicacy known as “foie gras?” Well, Ed Smith doesn’t think you should be eating goose liver because as he told reporters when he threatened to resign as Chicago Health Committee Chairman, “My professionalism, my manhood, my integrity is at stake … I’m a vegetarian. I don’t eat meat. I don’t eat duck or anything else.”

While we’re on the topic of tasty birds, Smith doesn’t believe Chicago citizens should have the right to own chickens as pets or for harvesting their eggs. Why anyone would want to own a chicken for a pet is beyond me, but that’s not the point. Smith has his reasons for supporting the ban on chickens, and once again, you shouldn’t question his authority and sound judgment.

If you enjoy the famous taste of Chicago deep dish pizza, it might just be that the extra burst of flavor comes from those evil trans fats, and Smith would rather sacrifice the quality and taste of a national treasure if it means saving your arteries from clogging, or whatever trans fats do that’s so scary.

“People are getting the message that health is important,” Smith said when asked about Chicago potentially banning trans fats. ”These kinds of measures are important. When these things begin to pass around the country, it has the tendency to have a ripple effect.”

Imagine how many tourists attending the Olympic Games in Chicago would be disappointed if the city’s pizza joints were forced to change the recipes for their famous pizzas? Well, Smith won’t support an effort to win an Olympic bid for his city unless an Olympic-sized swimming pool is first constructed at a predominantly black (draw your own conclusions) high school in his ward (28).

“If they don’t build an Olympic-sized swimming pool, children on the West Side will not be able to participate in the Olympics. They won’t have an opportunity to practice,” Smith said. ”Children coming from Russia and Norway are practicing right now in Olympic pools. All of the medals will go elsewhere.” One can only assume that the “Tiger Woods” of swimming will quickly rise out of Chicago if Smith’s demand for a pool is granted.

On Tuesday, March 4, Smith announced his latest attempt to save his city and “protectorate” from harming themselves by proposing a ban on small plastic bags that one would ordinarily find at convenience stores.

Smith believes those little plastic bags that the majority of Americans use to store food products are the trigger mechanism for the ”most destructive force” in Chicago neighborhoods. He elaborated, “We need to use every measure that we possibly can to stop it because it is destroying our kids. It’s destroying our community. It’s destroying our race of people. It’s ridiculous.”

Of course, Smith was referring to the “dime bags” that freelance pharmaceutical salesmen use to keep their products fresh for clients, but c’mon, he’s talking about banning plastic bags that countless moms depend on to pack peanuts inside for their kids to take to school — not crack cocaine.

Ed Smith isn’t really a Nazi, but he seems to be taking a page from Hitler and company when it comes to abusing his power in a position of authority to prevent citizens from engaging in activities and possessing materials that he has deemed inappropriate.

Lesbian dodgeball, anyone? - I would have thought the “Flaming Moe’s” would be title contenders, but I guess there’s some fierce competition in this lesbian dodgeball league.

Obama Doesn’t Appeal to “Archie Bunker” Voters - “‘Race played a significant factor in Ohio,’ said Cuyahoga County (Ohio) Commissioner Timothy Hagan, who supported Obama. ‘These people are not necessarily bigots, but the image they see every day of black America is drugs, crime, guns and violence…’” Blacks had nothing to do with promoting that negative stereotype (Insert sarcasm). And, when there are smart black guys on television, they call them “Urkel” and “Carlton Banks” and mock them as being weak and sell-outs to their race as blacks laugh approvingly. But go ahead, blame the white media and entertainment industry for portraying blacks in a negative light. Rapper 50-Cent is really just a clean-cut, decent guy whose gangsta personna was created by white recording industry executives to sell albums, right?

Austrian City Seeks Naked People - If you’re willing to drop your trousers, then Vienna awaits your arrival — and, the national railway will provide free transportation for 2,008 willing participants in a naked artistic exposition.

Squirrels Harass Owl In Buffalo Grove - A peaceful neighborhood was so disturbed in the wee hours of the morning on Wednesday that residents called the police to investigate, only to find two squirrels harassing an owl. Taxpayer dollars hard at work. God bless America and the idiots who live in the “home of the brave.”

An Israeli rabbi has given the green light to women who feel their safety is in jeopardy to kill their would-be attackers at first strike.

“In either word or deed, fight him off. Yell out loud so that everyone can hear you. If he touches you, slap him,” declared Beit El Chief Rabbi Shlomo Aviner. “If he attempts to do worse, and there is no other choice, you can kill him…yes, kill him,” Ynetnews.com reports.

Females concerned about violating Israeli law need not worry, because Aviner claims the judicial system is on their side.

“A young man broke into a woman’s apartment and wanted to have his way with her. She killed him and the court ruled that in this instance she had the right to use reasonable force in order to defend herself, and that her actions were justified,” Aviner said reassuringly in support of his advice for women to take the law into their own hands.

Call me crazy, but placed in such an unfortuante situation, wouldn’t your first instinct be to lace up your Nikes and run really fast? Then, if a potential attacker or rapist catches you — kill him. I just don’t trust an Israeli court to always condone the murder of an “alleged” attacker or rapist because we all know how crafty criminal defense attorneys are, no matter where they practice law.

I totally support the right to defend yourself in your own home, but when confronted — or have the perception of being confronted — on the street , it’s hard to determine if the reaction was in response to an actual action or anticipated action. If you think someone’s going to attack you, I still say run first. Again, I just don’t trust a court of my so-called peers to deem my actions justifiable versus ruling in favor of the defendant with a slick attorney.

Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) enlisted the help of a pioneer in the same-sex marriage crusade to round-up homosexual voters in Houston, Texas prior to Tuesday’s critical primary. The city’s two major homosexual “rights” groups are reportedly split between Clinton and Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.), and it seems that Hillary is appealing to undecided homosexual voters with a soft spot for hardcore gay porn.

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, a leading voice in the nation’s same-sex marriage movement, spoke to homosexual voters at a “predominantly” gay bar in Houston on Sunday, bashing Obama on Hillary’s behalf for not rising to the defense of same-sex marriage in the Senate.

For those unfamiliar with the gay-friendly Mayor Newsom, he is also, apparently, a staunch supporter hardcore gay pornography, as evidenced by a Feb. 23, 2007 mayoral proclamation honoring his city’s leading gay porn producer, Colt Studio (NSFW).

According to the San Francisco Chronicle’s March 3, 2007 report detailing Newsom’s unusual proclamation, “Newsom’s office declared Feb. 23 to be Colt Studio Day, honoring the 40th anniversary of a San Francisco movie company whose Web site invites visitors to ‘come inside to experience the hottest man-on-man action.’”  

Newsom claimed that the proclamation honoring Colt Studio was issued without his prior knowledge, however, “The official document, bearing Newsom’s name, was presented by a representative of the Mayor’s Office of Neighborhood Services to the company during its anniversary party,” the Chronicle reported.

After the controversial proclamation was issued, the Chronicle noted that Newsom spokesman Nathan Ballard “stopped short of saying the administration had made a mistake in honoring Colt Studio.”

So, if you’re gay and want to elect a candidate who supports hardcore gay porn, Hillary sounds like she’s onboard and hungry for your vote.

Now that Black History Month is over, I was just wondering if anyone can answer the 10 questions at the bottom of this post that were selected from the Black Heritage Trivia Game by the Chicago Daily Herald.

If you can, then I guess you paid attention to whatever commercials were airing on television during NBA and college basketball games, or during sitcoms on the networks. If you fail the quiz, I’m guessing that you’re no different than anyone else — black or white.

Hopefully, school kids came away with some new knowledge this past month, but some us were kids not so long ago and most of the facts and figures learned during Black History Month are just as fresh in mind as trigonometry and foreign languages.

You can argue that keeping black history relevant in the minds of kids is just a matter of teaching black history year-round, but I think the reality is that kids know what they need to know when they’re expecting to be quizzed and graded. It all just gets fuzzy when you’re an adult and no matter what type of history you’re taught — black, American or European — you can’t remember everything with the same clarity as you get older.

That said, Black History Month should not be so much about teaching history as it should be teaching the next generation to understand the struggles of past generations so they can work towards achieving a brighter future together in a colorblind America.

The quiz below means something, but it doesn’t teach understanding, tolerance, mending fences and building bridges. How many teachers probably pay lip service to Black History Month and just throw out a bunch of facts as included in the quiz below? Probably more than you’d believe, especially when so many white teachers have little or no connection to black culture, people and history outside of a textbook.

Maybe the focus of Black History Month needs to be re-focused on the message and not memorizing the facts and figures. Just my opinion, but that’s something kids can remember throughout their lives.

Here’s the quiz:

1. What were the black soldiers who helped protect pioneers during the settlement of the American West called?

2. The Amistad mutiny took place in what year?

3. What was Malcolm X’s given name?

4. Which U.S. president signed the bill that made Martin Luther King Jr. Day a national holiday?

5. How long did the Montgomery, Ala., bus boycott last: six weeks, six months or more than a year?

6. What U.S. Supreme Court ruling declared that school segregation is unconstitutional?

7. Who was the first African American to win baseball’s Most Valuable Player award?

8. Who was the first African American to receive the Nobel Peace Prize: Ralph Bunche, Martin Luther King Jr. or Malcolm X?

9. Who was the first black woman nominated for an Academy Award for best actress?

10. What was the first hit song for Motown?

Answers: 1. Buffalo Soldiers. 2. 1839. 3. Malcolm Little. 4. Ronald Reagan. 5. More than a year. 6. Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka. 7. Jackie Robinson, in 1949. 8. Ralph Bunche. 9. Dorothy Dandridge. 10. “Shop Around” by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles.

You can find the entire address of Obama’s “Open Letter to Gay Americans” on Andrew Sullivan’s blog on the Atlantic.com. It is interesting to note that Obama’s own website makes no mention of this letter on its “Obama Blog” or “Obama News” sections that always seem to be updated as quickly as Obama makes a peep or poop. For such an “open” letter, I’m just wondering why the Obama ‘08 website seems to remain “in the closet” on this letter.

As Sullivan appropriately notes, the “money quote” from Obama’s letter reads:

“As your President, I will use the bully pulpit to urge states to treat same-sex couples with full equality in their family and adoption laws. I personally believe that civil unions represent the best way to secure that equal treatment. But I also believe that the federal government should not stand in the way of states that want to decide on their own how best to pursue equality for gay and lesbian couples — whether that means a domestic partnership, a civil union, or a civil marriage.”

As if there aren’t enough “bullies” already pushing the homosexual agenda without enlisting the democratic process of allowing American voters to decide on homosexual issues at the polls while using activist judges to enact laws that go against the will of the people, now, Obama is promising to use the “bully pulpit” to fight for “change” that a minority demands and a majority rejects.

You can’t “bully” people into embracing “change,” Obama. You need to convince them why it’s the right thing to do and for the right reasons — then, let the American voters decide if they agree with your argument or reject it. Otherwise, you’ll just be another bully dictator abusing his power in elected office by enforcing his will on the people.

Related News:
Champion of Gay Porn Stumps for Hillary
BREAKING NEWS: KKK Does Not Endorse Obama
Obama Employed Farrakhan Followers, Still Has Ties to Radical Islam
Obama “Proud” of Militant Muslim Brother
Salvation Army to Reap Rewards of Obama’s Alleged Man-whore
Obama’s Global Anti-poverty Bill Could Cost U.S. Taxpayers Billions
MEDIA COVER-UP: Man Claims He Had Sex, Used Drugs with Obama
O.J. Endorses Hillary Over Obama
Obama Assassination Would Cause Riots Across U.S.
Media “Pimping” Obama Assassination Idea to Radicals
Rap Music Deemed Equally Inspiring as Obama

Identical Twin Gay Porn Actors Allegedly Double as Burglars - “A pair of twin cat burglars have been arrested in connection with a rooftop break-in of a South Philadelphia business. Their side-line: starring in gay porn videos…”

Restroom Romeo Seeks Summer Intern - “For those interested in politics, it is an incredible opportunity to get a behind-the-scenes look at how our government functions while serving the people of Idaho,” says disgraced Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) in his Feb. 26 press release.

Shove SpongeBob up your kid’s ass! - That’s not my suggestion, but that’s the general idea of the SpongeBob digital thermometer which plays the cartoon’s theme song at the end of temperature taking.

Invest now in “Ewok Village” - “If you been dreaming of picking up roots, living on the edge, or literally going out on a limb in terms of eco-lifestyle possibilities, then Finca Bellavista: A Sustainable Rainforest Community might be just the thing for you…”

Obese Brits Can’t Stomach “Fat Tax” - “Britain’s biggest life insurer, Legal & General, confirmed that 13% of new applicants face paying the higher premiums, which apply to anyone with a body mass index of 30 or higher, the point at which people are declared medically obese. The increased charge can be up to 400% if you fall into other high-risk categories, such as being a smoker or having previous medical conditions…”

Finding, taming your inner ‘ghetto’ - “Ghetto is no longer where you live … It is how you live. It’s a state of mind. And I’m here to tell you it’s a mind-set that celebrates the worst,” said Cora Daniels, a journalist and author who was inspired to write the book, “Ghettonation: A Journey into the Land of Bling and Home of the Shameless…”

Wassup with this white girl? - Seems like she’s possessed by the ghost of Tupac. And, what’s she so pissed-off about? Regardless, she’s the future of America if something doesn’t “change,” Mr. Obama!

Robot sex scene breached broadcast rules - An Australian broadcasting company apparently violated some decency laws by featuring humans “interacting” with mechanical devices.

Website Helps Prankers, Stalkers and Predators Dial Anonymously - Change your voice and make the caller ID show it’s from a trusted friend, etc. Not sure how this company manages to stay in business. It’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.

LMAO Wiggers - The title says it all. Just in case you’re not down with geek speak, “LMAO” means “laughing my ass off.” And, yes, I’m laughing my ass off at these fools.

LOLWigger.com - Again, more geek speak. I think we can all “laugh out loud” at these suburban gangstas.

ROFLWIGGER.com - Are you “rolling on the floor laughing” yet?

White kids spoof wiggers - Leave it to a bunch of smart white kids from U.C. Berkeley to produce a “ROFL” music video making fun of wiggers.

Why White Kids Love Hip Hop - The author of this book claims to know why your white kid thinks he or she is black.

Wiggaz.com - The definitive “wigger” website. Answers all of your questions and has many sample photos of Vanilla Ice wannabes.

Anti-wigger Coalition - Loose-knit group of concerned citizens. I wonder if they’ll endorse Obama.

Wigger documentary - This video gives the viewer a glimpse into the hardcore life of wiggers in Iowa, or somewhere in the Midwest. 

Wikipedia on Wiggers - Believe everything. Wikipedia tells no lies!

The Wiggers - Sort of like “The Wiggles,” but these guys aren’t confused about their sexuality.

Wigga from Maine - This kid has mad rap skillz and gets a beat-down from the real deal at the end.

Wigger training guide - So, you wanna be a wigger?

Old skool wiggers - The “Icy Hot Stuntaz” are every parent’s worst nightmare.

White Supremacists Don’t Like Wiggers - White racists hate white kids who think they’re black just as much as they hate anyone who’s not white. And, to cap things off, they’re blaming the Jews for turning white kids into wiggers.