Reality Bytes and Pieces

“Important Moments in Women’s History … Brought to You by Pornstars” - All I can say is, “God bless America, and Happy Women’s History Month!”

Hillary Clinton, Porn and Pancakes - Gotta love it when MSNothingButClintons screws up when pimping their favorite gal.

“Virginia is [still] for lovers,” but not those who French kiss kids - “State legislators passed a law Saturday that would require adults who French kiss a child younger than 13 to register as a sex offender. Those convicted of tongue-kissing a child would be guilty of a misdemeanor, punishable by up to one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. The House of Delegates passed the legislation 96-1 and the Senate 39-0…” The fact that the state legislature convened on a Saturday to pass this bill says there’s something seriously wrong in Virginia. Expect southern states like Alabama and Arkansas to follow suit.

Booted Straight American Idol Contestant Wants to Sing Praises of Homosexuals - “Kady Malloy is the recently eliminated American Idol semifinalist that wants to be a spokesperson for gay rights.  Malloy explained, ‘Well, my best friend is gay.  Freddie Mercury was gay, who’s my idol.  I just think that, you know, you shouldn’t define somebody by their sexuality, and I think that gay people not being able to get married and things like that is just like history repeating itself, and I think that we need to learn from our past…’” I’d like to see this ditz tag team with the Miss South Carolina who’s concerned about “U.S. Americans” who “don’t have maps.” The WWE could use a few more genius Divas to raise awareness for the harmful effects of beauty on brains.

Muslims believe in mircaulous power of sheep, not Jesus - In 2004, Muslims flocked to worship a sheep that was born with a marking resembling the Arabic word for “Allah.” Then, there’s this documentary showing that Muslims don’t believe Jesus is the Messiah and the crucifixion never happened. Call me crazy, but I think Muslims are just bitter that Jesus never promised whordes of virgins to those who self-detonate in public places.

April 18 is “Poop for Peace Day” - Mark your calendars. Eat plenty of prunes. Get creative. The fate of the world rests in your bowels.

Man eats pet food, gets paycheck - “I have trained my palate to look for materials that we will not allow in the recipe, such as tripe - pet owners react badly to the smell of tripe. I’m looking for a patè texture, almost to the point where you could spread it on crusty bread…” I like this idea as an employment opportunity for the homeless.

Living in Chicago, Ill. is getting less and less convenient and enjoyable for law-abiding citizens thanks to a single city official who thinks he knows what’s best for those he was elected to represent.

If you live in the Windy City or have spent any time there in recent years, you’ve probably noticed that it’s a smoke-free city now. Thank Alderman Ed Smith for cleaning the air and protecting your lungs, whether you like the smoking ban or not. Approve or disapprove, that’s not really the point. Ed Smith knows what’s best for you and you should be kissing his ass for saving your life, and if you’re a smoker, for not letting you kill others with your toxic cigarette smoke.

Speaking of toxic fumes, how about that ban on spray paint cans in Chicago? Your barbecue or fence might be rusty, but Smith has bigger concerns, like preventing hoodlums from spraying graffiti on buildings and overpasses. Kudos to Ed Smith for helping ban spray paint and forcing you to travel outside of the city to a Home Depot that trusts you’ll use it properly.

Enjoy indulging in a little delicacy known as “foie gras?” Well, Ed Smith doesn’t think you should be eating goose liver because as he told reporters when he threatened to resign as Chicago Health Committee Chairman, “My professionalism, my manhood, my integrity is at stake … I’m a vegetarian. I don’t eat meat. I don’t eat duck or anything else.”

While we’re on the topic of tasty birds, Smith doesn’t believe Chicago citizens should have the right to own chickens as pets or for harvesting their eggs. Why anyone would want to own a chicken for a pet is beyond me, but that’s not the point. Smith has his reasons for supporting the ban on chickens, and once again, you shouldn’t question his authority and sound judgment.

If you enjoy the famous taste of Chicago deep dish pizza, it might just be that the extra burst of flavor comes from those evil trans fats, and Smith would rather sacrifice the quality and taste of a national treasure if it means saving your arteries from clogging, or whatever trans fats do that’s so scary.

“People are getting the message that health is important,” Smith said when asked about Chicago potentially banning trans fats. ”These kinds of measures are important. When these things begin to pass around the country, it has the tendency to have a ripple effect.”

Imagine how many tourists attending the Olympic Games in Chicago would be disappointed if the city’s pizza joints were forced to change the recipes for their famous pizzas? Well, Smith won’t support an effort to win an Olympic bid for his city unless an Olympic-sized swimming pool is first constructed at a predominantly black (draw your own conclusions) high school in his ward (28).

“If they don’t build an Olympic-sized swimming pool, children on the West Side will not be able to participate in the Olympics. They won’t have an opportunity to practice,” Smith said. ”Children coming from Russia and Norway are practicing right now in Olympic pools. All of the medals will go elsewhere.” One can only assume that the “Tiger Woods” of swimming will quickly rise out of Chicago if Smith’s demand for a pool is granted.

On Tuesday, March 4, Smith announced his latest attempt to save his city and “protectorate” from harming themselves by proposing a ban on small plastic bags that one would ordinarily find at convenience stores.

Smith believes those little plastic bags that the majority of Americans use to store food products are the trigger mechanism for the ”most destructive force” in Chicago neighborhoods. He elaborated, “We need to use every measure that we possibly can to stop it because it is destroying our kids. It’s destroying our community. It’s destroying our race of people. It’s ridiculous.”

Of course, Smith was referring to the “dime bags” that freelance pharmaceutical salesmen use to keep their products fresh for clients, but c’mon, he’s talking about banning plastic bags that countless moms depend on to pack peanuts inside for their kids to take to school — not crack cocaine.

Ed Smith isn’t really a Nazi, but he seems to be taking a page from Hitler and company when it comes to abusing his power in a position of authority to prevent citizens from engaging in activities and possessing materials that he has deemed inappropriate.

Catholic Seminary Tackles Drug and Porn Addictions - “As a member of the executive committee of the Religious Affiliation Against Pornography, Mr Nicolakis presented some fascinating and disturbing facts. One of the most scandalous was that when religious gatherings occur in hotels there is usually a marked increase in the amount of pornography ordered…”

I’ll have a “melon squeezer” - The residents of Dawson County, Neb. are steaming mad that a so-called “juice bar” wants to open shop in their town. What’s the big stink about? It’s gonna be a nude juice bar.

Georgia to scare kids skinny - “Georgia’s elementary school children will be weighed and measured twice a year by school officials under a bill that passed the Senate Friday. The legislation requires schools to track kids’ body mass index, a combination of height and weight used to determine whether the child is healthy…”

Court Leaves Gay Porn Stars Homeless - “The court sided with a local homeowner’s association on Thursday that sued to stop an X-rated Web cam business operating out of a house on the block…”

Hitler, Frankenstein, Romeo, Newton in Indian election race - “The run up to Monday’s elections in Meghalaya may have been lacklustre but there is no dearth of candidates with names like Hitler, Frankenstein, Hilarious, Romeo, Clever, Newton, Moonlight and Chamberlaine…”

Aussie Juvenile Delinquents Have More Fun - “Juvenile delinquents had a ’sex romp’ at a detention centre after staff accidentally left security doors unlocked. Boys were able to sneak into a girls’ dormitory at the Don Dale centre in Darwin after dark…”

While the media is in a frenzy digging their fangs into Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) over a sex scandal rumor started by The New York Times, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) has been busy trying to pass a bill in Congress that would commit the U.S. to spending $845 billion to assist in the United Nations lofty plan of eradicating global poverty.

The Global Poverty Act (S.2433) already passed the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on Feb 13, and if passed into law by Congress, would ”[declare] it official U.S. policy to promote the reduction of global poverty, the elimination of extreme global poverty, and the achievement of the Millennium Development Goal of cutting extreme global poverty in half by 2015.”

Accuracy in Media’s (AIM) Cliff Kincaid wrote in a Feb. 22 article, “The passage of the Obama bill is far more important than McCain’s sex life … Why the media black-out on this bill? Is this not something we should begin talking about? After all, it’s on the verge of passing the full Senate and becoming law.”

Kincaid is also quick to note that the $845 billion price tag does not appear anywhere in S.2433. He elaborates, “The bill does not attach a dollar figure-and does not need to-because that is contained in the 2002 so-called ‘Monterrey Consensus,’ which grew out of the 2000 Millennium Declaration, which is cited in the bill.”

Obama seems to think it’s the duty of every American to chip-in to eliminate global poverty, and in typical Obama fashion, he is evangelizing the need for Americans to jump on-board and do their part in this feel-good effort that changes nothing in the U.S. except for increasing the size of our out-of-control national debt and the tab already owed to the U.N.

“With billions of people living on just dollars a day around the world, global poverty remains one of the greatest challenges and tragedies the international community faces,” said Obama in a Feb. 13. press release hailing the passage of S.2433 in the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. “It must be a priority of American foreign policy to commit to eliminating extreme poverty and ensuring every child has food, shelter, and clean drinking water. As we strive to rebuild America’s standing in the world, this important bill will demonstrate our promise and commitment to those in the developing world. Our commitment to the global economy must extend beyond trade agreements that are more about increasing corporate profits than about helping workers and small farmers everywhere.”

One can only wonder what $845 billion could do for improving the lives of impoverished Americans across the U.S., though without any significant media attention being paid to Obama’s bill, the majority of voters and his supporters might not find out about it until a “global tax” hits them.

That’s right, a global tax! While the tax presumably would be attached to companies producing carbon-emitting fossil fuels and not to the pay-stubs of American workers, it would surely hit Americans at the gas pump which is already taxed out of control by states and the federal government.

“Nobody seriously expects that even a liberal Congress would voluntarily vote that kind of money for U.N. causes. Perhaps it would even balk at accepting a global tax,” Kincaid states reassuringly. ”But failure to pay would lead to the predictable charges that the U.S. was in default on its international obligations that were set by Congress. And that would increase the pressure to come up with some means to generate the funds. A President Obama might then demand that the Congress ‘pay its dues’ to the international community.”

Now, you can sit and wonder if Sen. McCain had sex with a pretty young blond lobbyist or question Sen. Obama and the media for keeping you in the dark about how the U.S. might end up paying $845 billion to the U.N. and spreading your tax dollars across the globe when, just maybe, the money might be better used to eradicate poverty and hunger across America.

Ever wonder what an America-first policy might do for creating positive “change” and restoring “hope” in our nation and its citizens? Obama surely hasn’t, and his global anti-poverty bill is proof-positive that he’ll say and do anything to make everyone happy.

Related News:
Champion of Gay Porn Stumps for Hillary
BREAKING NEWS: KKK Does Not Endorse Obama
Obama Employed Farrakhan Followers, Still Has Ties to Radical Islam
Obama “Proud” of Militant Muslim Brother
Salvation Army to Reap Rewards of Obama’s Alleged Man-whore
MEDIA COVER-UP: Man Claims He Had Sex, Used Drugs with Obama
O.J. Endorses Hillary Over Obama
Obama Assassination Would Cause Riots Across U.S.
Media “Pimping” Obama Assassination Idea to Radicals
Rap Music Deemed Equally Inspiring as Obama

Canine Sport Fighting for Fun and Profit - “With our system, your dog only needs to win a few fights per year to carry his own weight in the house and put a little cash in your pocket even after vet bills. It’s a win/win situation for everyone…”

Don’t believe the media hype about birth defects - “This must be the season to scare parents-to-be about birth defects. Two major reports offering reassuring news about birth defects in newborns and cancer mortalities in children have been issued by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The public would never know it, though, as the media has been busily reporting the opposite of the actual data…”

Mormons Used to Smoke Alot of Dope - Back in 1910, Mormons used to travel to Mexico for the “sticky-icky” and bring it back to smoke in Utah. Who said these people aren’t any fun?

“Former” Porn Star Releases Comic Book - “From the mind of Jenna Jameson, NY Times Bestselling author and iconic entertainer and written by Christina Z (WITCHBLADE) comes a dark tale of one woman’s struggle with forces beyond ordinary perception…”

Is Romney Pushing Harvard to Plug Mormonism? - Maybe it’s just a coincidence that Harvard is located in Massachusetts and Romney is the state’s former Governor. Or, maybe Romney’s taking a page from Tom Cruise and using his fame and influence to convert young, impressionable students to his “cult.”

Raelian “Alien” Cult to Open World’s First “Pleasure Hospital” - If your clitoris has been removed by fellow tribal members, fear not, the Raelians want to reconstruct your pleasure palace.

Evangelicals Find Value in Tom Cruise’s Scientology Recruitment Strategy - “Celebrities’ religious beliefs, no matter how strange or convoluted, can be a springboard for spiritual conversations about the true message of God’s grace and forgiveness as revealed in the Bible. Step up and take the opportunity to turn the conversation toward Jesus and share what He’s done in your life…”

Know Thy Neighbor - I live within a few blocks of a pedophile, a rapist and a stalker! How’s your neighborhood looking?

Ride ‘Em, Cowgirl! - As of yesterday, Texans can now legally purchase and use sex toys.

Gaybonics Conference in D.C. - Apparently, sounding gay and talking gay are two different things, and the brilliant educators at American University in Washington, D.C. are putting on a conference this weekend to prove it.

LesbHO Rappers - I’m just not seeing the homeboys rolling down the street in their Escalades with the windows wide open and blasting the latest “hardcore” melody from lesbian rap duo, KIN.  (I wonder if Imus listens to these girls?)

Feminist Karate Union - Next time you’re tempted to say, “Woman, make me a steak,” you better be prepared to either make it yourself or meet your maker. These ladies ain’t taking your orders and will make you their bitch quicker than you can beg for forgiveness.

Fight or flight? - What do you do if you’ve just pissed-off a blind guy with a black belt in Tae Kwon Do? If you run, he won’t be able to chase you, but you’ll look like a big wuss. If you stay and fight him, you’ll be accused of assaulting a handicapped person. Chances are, with this guy, he’ll drop you in a heartbeat. There’s really no safe option that preserves your dignity and pearly whites. The moral of the story is to be kind to blind people.

Beastiality to Carry Tougher Penalty than Mudering Animals in Florida - ”If the bill becomes law, having sex with an animal would result in a harsher penalty than committing an act to animal that results in that animal’s ‘cruel death, or excessive or repeated infliction of unnecessary pain or suffering.’” Let me remind you that the beastiality bill was pitched to a Florida state senator by a regional animal rights organization after a pregnant goat was raped and killed by some sicko. Again, if you kill or torture an animal in Florida, you’ll receive a less severe penalty than having sex with one if this bill passes.

In order to combat a forty-percent dropout rate among black high school teens in Toronto, Canada, school board trustees voted 11-9 to make schools “more relevant to black students” by opening an “Africentric” school in September 2009.

Urging support for the proposal, white school board Chairwoman Susan Ward said, “I don’t know what it’s like to be a black parent, but I do know pain when I see it and recognize despair when I hear it, from the deepest part of the soul of those who believe time is running out,” while a black mother of a high school student countered, “[T]his black school thing – no, it ain’t right.”

Supporters claim the all-black school with black teachers and “africentric” curriculum will plug the “school-to-jail pipeline.” Interestingly, the Toronto District School Board says the bulk of the black students they’re trying to help are Caribbean-born or hailing from east Africa, which makes it sound like they need to look in the mirror and realize they’ve done a miserable job of integrating these foreign-born kids in to Canadian society and that segregating them will only serve to increase the cultural and academic divide between black and white Canadian youth. Further, how is an “africentric” curriculum going to help black Canadian teens prepare for promising careers in “whitecentric” Canada?

If you want to close that “school-to-jail pipeline,” teach these black kids something that will empower them to excel in the future and not dwell on the past, which most likely will harp on past racial tensions and historic discrimination against blacks. Sure, you can fire-up the kids by telling them about how whites oppressed blacks throughout history, but that is not the inspirational message Canada should promote in its efforts to build a color-blind society that lives, works and plays in racial harmony.

A new bill has been introduced into the Mississippi State House that would make it illegal for restaurants to serve obese customers.

“Any food establishment to which this section applies shall not be allowed to serve food to any person who is obese, based on criteria prescribed by the State Department of Health after consultation with the Mississippi Council on Obesity Prevention and Management established under Section 41-101-1 or its successor,” states House Bill No. 282. “The State Department of Health shall prepare written materials that describe and explain the criteria for determining whether a person is obese, and shall provide those materials to all food establishments to which this section applies. A food establishment shall be entitled to rely on the criteria for obesity in those written materials when determining whether or not it is allowed to serve food to any person.”

Further, the bill would allow state health inspectors to strip restaurants of their permits if found to be ”repeatedly” serving customers who don’t meet the state’s so-called obesity ”criteria.”

If enacted, it sure sounds like Mississippi restaurants would start looking like highway weigh stations for trucks as customers line-up to weigh-in before being seated. Note that almost two-thirds of the state’s citizens are considered obese by federal standards, so seating should be plentiful for skinny folks.

Looking back at the days of Prohibition, the drinkers and drunks went to underground bars and brewed their own swill.  Imagine how creative the chunksters in Mississippi would be if they were denied entry to restaurants … They’d probably hire skinny people to go to drive-thru windows and fast food joints while establishing some of the tastiest “backroom” eateries on the planet.