Reality Bytes and Pieces

Oral Sex And Pot Linked To Cancer - “Certain head and neck cancers may be tied to sexual activity, marijuana use, and human papillomavirus (HPV ) type 16…”

Lard-ass Mafioso Can’t Fit in Jail Cell - “A suspected Mafia clan member weighing 210 kilogrammes (460 pounds) was placed under house arrest after putting too heavy a burden on prison staff, Italian press reports said Wednesday…”

The Internet is for Porn, Not Voting - “Former prime minister of Poland Jaroslaw Kaczynski told members of his conservative party that people should not be allowed to vote online because the Internet attracts those who like to watch porn while drinking beer…”

Bride Murders Stinky-feet Husband - “A Chinese bride burnt her new husband to death after he got into bed after a drunken argument without washing his feet, state media reported on Wednesday…”

Naked Mayoral Candidate ”Gets Off” - “The San Francisco mayoral candidate who played his guitar naked atop a van outside the San Mateo Event Center during the Democratic Straw Poll last fall escaped a misdemeanor conviction yesterday after jurors disagreed about how many people are needed to constitute a public nuisance…”

UPS Now Goes Both Ways - “United Parcel Service Inc., the world’s largest shipping carrier, said Tuesday its expanded its supplier diversity program to include businesses owned by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender merchants…”

Fat People Are Good Indicators of Impending Economic Doom - Plus-size marketer Erin Moloney says, “[P]lus-size and discount consumers typically cut back on spending early in an economic crunch.” If you see fat people wearing last year’s fashions, it’s time to stock up on canned goods.

Ex-boyfriend Shoots Woman in the Cooch - “Police said a woman was shot in the vagina at her Palmetto Bay home Monday night…” Talk about “beaver hunting.”

Chinese Mom Chops-off Husband’s Wanker, Puts It in Bed with Son - “A Chinese woman killed her husband in his sleep, cut off his penis and placed it in the bed of their six year old son as a warning to him not to be unfaithful…” That’ll send the kid a message he’ll never forget. I hope mom left a microscope.

“Important Moments in Women’s History … Brought to You by Pornstars” - All I can say is, “God bless America, and Happy Women’s History Month!”

Hillary Clinton, Porn and Pancakes - Gotta love it when MSNothingButClintons screws up when pimping their favorite gal.

“Virginia is [still] for lovers,” but not those who French kiss kids - “State legislators passed a law Saturday that would require adults who French kiss a child younger than 13 to register as a sex offender. Those convicted of tongue-kissing a child would be guilty of a misdemeanor, punishable by up to one year in jail and a $2,500 fine. The House of Delegates passed the legislation 96-1 and the Senate 39-0…” The fact that the state legislature convened on a Saturday to pass this bill says there’s something seriously wrong in Virginia. Expect southern states like Alabama and Arkansas to follow suit.

Booted Straight American Idol Contestant Wants to Sing Praises of Homosexuals - “Kady Malloy is the recently eliminated American Idol semifinalist that wants to be a spokesperson for gay rights.  Malloy explained, ‘Well, my best friend is gay.  Freddie Mercury was gay, who’s my idol.  I just think that, you know, you shouldn’t define somebody by their sexuality, and I think that gay people not being able to get married and things like that is just like history repeating itself, and I think that we need to learn from our past…’” I’d like to see this ditz tag team with the Miss South Carolina who’s concerned about “U.S. Americans” who “don’t have maps.” The WWE could use a few more genius Divas to raise awareness for the harmful effects of beauty on brains.

Muslims believe in mircaulous power of sheep, not Jesus - In 2004, Muslims flocked to worship a sheep that was born with a marking resembling the Arabic word for “Allah.” Then, there’s this documentary showing that Muslims don’t believe Jesus is the Messiah and the crucifixion never happened. Call me crazy, but I think Muslims are just bitter that Jesus never promised whordes of virgins to those who self-detonate in public places.

April 18 is “Poop for Peace Day” - Mark your calendars. Eat plenty of prunes. Get creative. The fate of the world rests in your bowels.

Man eats pet food, gets paycheck - “I have trained my palate to look for materials that we will not allow in the recipe, such as tripe - pet owners react badly to the smell of tripe. I’m looking for a patè texture, almost to the point where you could spread it on crusty bread…” I like this idea as an employment opportunity for the homeless.

Michael Bolton Almost Gets Naked for Charity - The best thing he did for this charity ad was keeping his trenchcoat on while his wife, Nicollette Sheridan bared her ass. The lucky beneficiaries of the semi-nude couple’s charitable act — Paul Newmann’s Hole in the Wall Gang Camp.

Old, Black “Bitches” Get No Love - “To the uninitiated, the idea seems so strange — doggie discrimination? But among those in animal rescue circles, the phenomenon is commonplace enough to have earned its own name: “black dog syndrome…’” 

Homosexual Candidate Predicted to Run for Prez in 2012 - “The GLBT political groups ought to make it a priority to find the best Republican and Democratic candidates to run next time around. Aside from the historical aspect, it would be amazing publicity. Each time a gay candidate walked on stage to debate, it would be worth millions of dollars of free advertising for the GLBT movement. I can’t think of a better investment and use of our advocacy dollars…” What’s the matter, Hillary doesn’t qualify?

Botswana: Still No Condoms for Prisoners - “Although there have been reported cases of prisoners engaging in unlawful sexual activities that expose them to the risk of HIV/AIDS, prison authorities insist they cannot distribute condoms to inmates…”

Latvia approves Nazi march - “A Latvian parliamentary official said authorities in the capital of Riga have approved an event to honor Latvians who fought alongside the Nazis. The authorities gave their approval to veterans group Daugavas Vanagi to stage a March 16 street march to commemorate former Latvian soldiers that fought for the Nazis and Waffen-SS during World War II, RIA Novosti, a Russian news agency, reported Friday…” Nothing like re-kindling the flames of hate when things are starting to get back on track for this former Soviet-bloc nation.

U.C. Berkeley Student Newspaper Extols the Virtues of Internet Porn - “The thing is, we learn a lot from porn. I don’t mean where babies come from-I’m talking about everything they don’t teach you in sex-ed: in other words, the good stuff. Sure, a lot of that comes from hearsay (read: your friends’ older siblings), but chances are you’ve also picked up a technique or two from your good pal, the Internet…”

Lesbian dodgeball, anyone? - I would have thought the “Flaming Moe’s” would be title contenders, but I guess there’s some fierce competition in this lesbian dodgeball league.

Obama Doesn’t Appeal to “Archie Bunker” Voters - “‘Race played a significant factor in Ohio,’ said Cuyahoga County (Ohio) Commissioner Timothy Hagan, who supported Obama. ‘These people are not necessarily bigots, but the image they see every day of black America is drugs, crime, guns and violence…’” Blacks had nothing to do with promoting that negative stereotype (Insert sarcasm). And, when there are smart black guys on television, they call them “Urkel” and “Carlton Banks” and mock them as being weak and sell-outs to their race as blacks laugh approvingly. But go ahead, blame the white media and entertainment industry for portraying blacks in a negative light. Rapper 50-Cent is really just a clean-cut, decent guy whose gangsta personna was created by white recording industry executives to sell albums, right?

Austrian City Seeks Naked People - If you’re willing to drop your trousers, then Vienna awaits your arrival — and, the national railway will provide free transportation for 2,008 willing participants in a naked artistic exposition.

Squirrels Harass Owl In Buffalo Grove - A peaceful neighborhood was so disturbed in the wee hours of the morning on Wednesday that residents called the police to investigate, only to find two squirrels harassing an owl. Taxpayer dollars hard at work. God bless America and the idiots who live in the “home of the brave.”

I just snotted in your food - The Washington, D.C. restaurant association must be mighty pissed-off by this ad.

Hey kids! Wanna play TSA asshats? - When I grow up, I wanna be an annoying high school dropout on a power trip.

Aussie military to mimic The Village People - 80 festive soldiers in the Australian armed forces will participate in Sydney’s predominantly gay-themed Mardi Gras parade for the first time on Sunday. Ain’t that just fab?

Middle school kids swap nude cellphone camera pix - Should I be surprised that the kids live in Alabama? I just hope they weren’t cousins or brother and sister.

You can find the entire address of Obama’s “Open Letter to Gay Americans” on Andrew Sullivan’s blog on the Atlantic.com. It is interesting to note that Obama’s own website makes no mention of this letter on its “Obama Blog” or “Obama News” sections that always seem to be updated as quickly as Obama makes a peep or poop. For such an “open” letter, I’m just wondering why the Obama ‘08 website seems to remain “in the closet” on this letter.

As Sullivan appropriately notes, the “money quote” from Obama’s letter reads:

“As your President, I will use the bully pulpit to urge states to treat same-sex couples with full equality in their family and adoption laws. I personally believe that civil unions represent the best way to secure that equal treatment. But I also believe that the federal government should not stand in the way of states that want to decide on their own how best to pursue equality for gay and lesbian couples — whether that means a domestic partnership, a civil union, or a civil marriage.”

As if there aren’t enough “bullies” already pushing the homosexual agenda without enlisting the democratic process of allowing American voters to decide on homosexual issues at the polls while using activist judges to enact laws that go against the will of the people, now, Obama is promising to use the “bully pulpit” to fight for “change” that a minority demands and a majority rejects.

You can’t “bully” people into embracing “change,” Obama. You need to convince them why it’s the right thing to do and for the right reasons — then, let the American voters decide if they agree with your argument or reject it. Otherwise, you’ll just be another bully dictator abusing his power in elected office by enforcing his will on the people.

Related News:
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BREAKING NEWS: KKK Does Not Endorse Obama
Obama Employed Farrakhan Followers, Still Has Ties to Radical Islam
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Salvation Army to Reap Rewards of Obama’s Alleged Man-whore
Obama’s Global Anti-poverty Bill Could Cost U.S. Taxpayers Billions
MEDIA COVER-UP: Man Claims He Had Sex, Used Drugs with Obama
O.J. Endorses Hillary Over Obama
Obama Assassination Would Cause Riots Across U.S.
Media “Pimping” Obama Assassination Idea to Radicals
Rap Music Deemed Equally Inspiring as Obama

Cops “Roast & Season” Old Man’s Nuts - “A 65-year-old man who witnesses said was walking naked through the back yards of their Sarasota neighborhood Saturday tried to fight with deputies and had to be subdued with pepper spray and a Taser, the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office said…”

Three-way on the Highway - How two girls and guy managed to stay on the road while engaged in three-way action is a feat in itself.

They’re not missing children, they’re just lesbians - Police in Kuala Lampur are guessing that some of the recent missing persons reports can be easily solved — the missing girls are probably lesbians who ran away from home. Imagine if Amber Alerts in the U.S. being broadcast to motorists on highways read, “Missing Girls - Possibly Lesbians - Last Seen Driving White Subaru Outback.” Man, there’d be alot of phone calls to the hotline!

Hadaka Matsuri (the Naked Men Festival) in Saidaiji, Japan - “The festival is bizarre. There is an erotic element (after all, Shintoism is a religion of fertility); thousands of men clad only in fundoshi (a type of loincloth) and sandals. One source describes it as ‘homoerotic.’ The festival is also brutal…”

Jumpers get naked for schizophrenia charity - “Nearly 200 people flocked to WildPlay at the Bungy Zone south of Nanaimo to take extreme sports to a raw new level during the weekend. The annual naked bungy jump, which raises money for the B.C. Schizophrenia Society, attracted men and women from as far as New York and Wisconsin…”

Giving judge photos of naked men not a crime, lawyer argues - “It was not a crime for James Michael Bomek to hand photos of naked young men to a provincial court judge, even though one of the men was involved in a case in the judge’s courtroom, says Bomek’s lawyer … Bomek became friends with (Judge) Bekolay through the Gay and Lesbian Health Services group in Prince Albert, following his release from jail for having sex with male clients while working the Cree court circuit in the North. Bekolay, who does not face charges in this case, resigned from the bench last year over news of his involvement, although details had not been made public until this week…”

Porn Nation to be staged at East Carolina University - “Porn is now the norm in our culture, and no one understands that better than today’s college students…”

No Friends? No Problem! - Your “fake buddy” will make you look popular, even if you’re a loser.

Still friendless? - Give the “Popularity Dialer” a shot and your cellphone will be ringing whenever you feel the need to look important while standing alone in the corner at a party.

No black friends? - Fo-shizzle, mah nizzle! Here’s a service that’ll give you some street cred.

Still looking for black friends? - When you just don’t have the time to make friends with black people, you can always trying buying their friendship.

Tired of meeting nice people? - Why not explore the wonderful and dangerous world of prison dating?

Don’t want your date to run away? - Well, that won’t be a problem if you try dating an amputee.

Corky needs love, too! - This website is the “E-Harmony” of the “differently abled” world.

Read my lips! - Tired of listening to your date and engaging in meaningless small talk?

Love is blind - Good excuse to use your hands on the first date.

Date your cousin - This l’il redneck honkey tonk is gonna git you some down-home lovin’.

Meet the racist of your dreams! - If you’re white, hate everyone who’s not, and only date within your race, look no further.

These Jews mean business - This ain’t just a dating website for Jews — it’s a marriage-minded dating website, so come prepared and don’t forget to bring some hard candy for your future mother-in-law.

Atheists who belive in love - Just remember, you won’t get a nice Christmas present from an atheist.

Date with “the Force” - There’s just something sexy about dating a Jedi!

Witchy women - She’ll cast a spell on you .. and, you’ll like it!

Pimply computer geeks - Time to get your game on, nerds!

Hogs and Heffers - That’s not bacon you’re smelling! It’s the man or woman of your dreams.

Small things with big packages? - Midgets need love, too!

Hello, up there! - Get out the step-ladder! It’s gonna be a long climb before for that first kiss.

Flip-a-coin - For those not sure if they’d like to date a man or woman. One way or another, “Bicupid’s” gonna shoot you in the ass.

You’ve been very bad! - If you’re coming out of an abusive relationship and enjoyed it, this is the place for you.

Handsome “womyn” aplenty - If it looks like a man, talks like a man and acts like a man, it’s probably just a really handsome butch lesbian looking for love on this website.

Hairy homosexuals - Find the Wookie of your dreams!

Let’s just be friends - Looking for love without sex? Join a monastery or try this website.

Graze for love - Meet without meat.

Sore losers - Just because you have herpes doesn’t mean you can’t be a winner in the game of love!

Magic Johnsons - Keep on playing until the game’s over.

Damaged Goods - Meet happy people with every STD imaginable.

Honk if you’re horny - Ever been in the back of a big rig? Here’s your chance to get some truck stop lovin’.

Substance Abuse Test - Take a stab at this test to see if you or someone you love is prone to abusing drugs or becoming an alcoholic. Chances are, you’ll fail.

90 Day Jane Is a Fraud! - Turns out, it was a a joke. And, we’re supposed to be surprised …

The Menstruation Blues - Lovely little jingle from a handsome Aussie womyn.

“Ground Control to Major Jesus” - There’s apparently one thing Tom Cruise hasn’t told us about Scientology … Jesus is the commander of the spaceship.